How to Teach Your Child to Respond to Verbal Bullying

4 April 2025

Have you ever felt that pang in your chest when your child comes home upset because someone said something mean to them? It’s heartbreaking, isn’t it? Verbal bullying is no joke. Words can cut deep, mess with self-esteem, and leave lasting scars. As parents, we want to shield our kids from pain, but we also need to equip them with the tools to face life’s challenges. So, how can we teach our kids to respond to verbal bullying with confidence and resilience? Let’s dive into it.

What Is Verbal Bullying?

Before we get into the "how," let’s get clear on what verbal bullying actually is. It’s not just “kids being kids” or harmless teasing. Verbal bullying involves intentionally saying hurtful things to someone repeatedly. It can range from name-calling and insults to threats or nasty rumors. The aim? To demean or control the other person. And in today’s world, it’s not just face-to-face—it can happen through texts, social media, or online forums too.

Recognizing verbal bullying is step one. Once you, as a parent, can identify it, you can help your child navigate it.

The Emotional Toll of Verbal Bullying

Let’s face it: words hurt. When a bully says something nasty, it can make your child question their worth, intelligence, or appearance. Over time, this can lead to anxiety, low self-esteem, depression, or even trouble trusting others. That’s why it’s so essential to teach your child how to respond, instead of brushing it off with a casual, “Ignore it, honey.”

Think of it like giving your kid an emotional shield. Every tool you provide them with strengthens their ability to thrive despite negativity. So, instead of letting verbal bullying sink in, your child will know how to handle it without feeling powerless.

Why Ignoring Doesn’t Always Work

We’ve all heard the advice, “Just ignore it, and they’ll stop.” But does it always work? Not really. While ignoring might be effective in certain situations, most bullies thrive on a reaction. If the bully isn’t getting one, they might escalate their behavior to force a response. Ignoring also doesn’t teach your child how to stand up for themselves or process their emotions. In short, we need more than just the silent treatment approach.

Teaching Your Child to Respond to Verbal Bullying

1. Help Them Stay Calm

First things first—teach your child to keep their cool. Bullies love seeing their words hit a nerve. If your child can stay calm, it takes the power away from the bully. Easier said than done, right? Practice this skill at home.

For example, role-play scenarios where you’re the bully (yes, you!) and say mean things. Teach your child to take a deep breath, pause, and not let their face give away frustration. This is like teaching them to be a duck, letting insults roll off their back like water.

Pro Tip:

Introduce your child to “counting to five” before responding. It buys them just enough time to stay collected.

2. Teach Assertive Responses

There’s a difference between reacting emotionally and responding assertively. A short, firm reply can often disarm bullies. Teach your child to respond with phrases like:
- “That’s not cool.”
- “You can think what you want, but it doesn’t make it true.”
- “I don’t have time for this.”

These kinds of responses show confidence without escalating the situation. Practice these at home too. Think of it as rehearsing for a play—so when the real moment comes, they’ll know their lines.

3. Encourage Them to Use Humor

Humor can be a great diffuser. It’s like meeting fire with water instead of gasoline. For instance, if someone says, “You’re so dumb,” your child might respond with, “Well, I guess I can’t win the genius of the year award then!”

By responding with humor, your child shows that the insult doesn’t bother them, and it can leave the bully unsure of what to say next. Just make sure they don’t use sarcasm that could come across as mean—it’s all about keeping things light.

4. Help Them Build Self-Confidence

Bullies often target kids who seem unsure of themselves. So, one of the best defenses your child can have is good self-esteem. Encourage them to participate in activities they enjoy, surround themselves with supportive friends, and remind them regularly of their unique qualities.

Create a “confidence jar” with your child. Every time they do something they’re proud of, write it on a piece of paper and drop it in the jar. When they’re feeling down, they can read those little reminders of how awesome they are.

5. Teach Them to Know When to Walk Away

Sometimes, the best response is no response—especially if the bully is looking to start an argument or fight. Walking away doesn’t mean your child is weak; it means they’re smart. They’re choosing to rise above the negativity.

Make sure your child knows that walking away isn’t about giving up—it’s about conserving their energy for people and activities that actually matter.

6. Encourage Open Communication

Your child should always feel safe sharing their experiences with you. Let them know they can come to you without fear of judgment or punishment. When they do open up, listen fully—don’t interrupt or downplay their feelings.

Ask questions like:
- “How did it make you feel?”
- “What do you think would help in that situation?”
- “How can I support you?”

Your job is to be their rock, their safe place, their cheering squad.

The Role of Empathy

One unique way to approach verbal bullying is by teaching your child empathy—not just for themselves but even for the bully. (Stay with me here.) Bullies often lash out because they’re struggling with their own insecurities or problems.

Now, I’m not saying your child should excuse bad behavior, but understanding that “hurt people hurt people” can sometimes make the insults sting a little less. It shifts the focus from “Why are they being mean to me?” to “What’s going on with them?”

When to Get Involved

As much as we want to empower our kids to handle situations on their own, there are times when adult intervention is necessary. If the bullying escalates, involves threats, or starts affecting your child’s mental health, don’t hesitate to step in.

Contact the school, talk to a teacher, or even involve a counselor if needed. Advocating for your child doesn’t make them weak—it shows them you’re in their corner.

Building a Resilient Mindset

At the core of it all is resilience. Life, unfortunately, isn’t bully-free. By teaching your child to handle verbal bullying, you’re prepping them for a world that isn’t always kind. Let them know that their worth isn’t defined by what others say—it’s defined by how they see themselves.

Think of this as equipping your child with a mental toolbox. Inside are tools like confidence, empathy, humor, and assertiveness. With a well-stocked toolbox, they’ll be ready for whatever comes their way.

Final Thoughts

Teaching your child to respond to verbal bullying isn’t a one-time conversation. It’s an ongoing process of guiding, supporting, and empowering them. Will they always get it right? Probably not. And that’s okay. What matters is that they feel loved, supported, and capable of standing up for themselves.

Remember, as parents, we can’t fight all their battles—but we can prepare them for the fight. And trust me, that makes all the difference.