Encouraging Your Child to Trust Their Own Decisions

19 December 2024

As parents, we all want what’s best for our kids. We guide them, we protect them, and we do our best to shape them into strong, resilient individuals. But let’s be real for a second—parenting isn’t exactly paint-by-numbers. One of the biggest challenges we face is knowing when to step back and let our kids take the wheel. How do we help them trust their own decisions when every fiber of our being wants to make those decisions for them?

The truth is, teaching your child to trust their gut is one of the most valuable lessons you can give them. It’s like handing them a life-long compass, one that’ll guide them through friendships, career choices, and all of life’s twists and turns. But how do we get there? How do we encourage decision-making without swooping in like a hawk at the first sign of hesitation? Let’s break it down.

Why Trusting Their Decisions Matters

Before jumping into the "how," let’s talk about the "why." Encouraging your child to trust their decisions isn’t just about letting them pick out their clothes or choose what to eat for lunch. It’s about teaching them confidence, independence, and problem-solving skills that will stick with them into adulthood.

Think about it—how often do you rely on your own instincts in daily life? Whether it’s deciding on a career move or picking the best route home during traffic, trusting yourself is foundational. Kids who don’t build this skill early on often grow into adults who second-guess themselves at every turn.

It’s not just a life skill; it’s a survival skill. And like any skill, it takes practice.

The Danger of Helicopter Parenting

We’ve all heard the term “helicopter parenting,” right? It’s such a vivid image—hovering over your child, ready to swoop in and fix every problem before they even know it exists. It sounds noble, but here’s the kicker: it backfires.

When we micromanage every detail of our kids’ lives, we unintentionally send the message: “You can’t handle this without me.” Ouch. Over time, this erodes their confidence and leaves them feeling like they can’t trust themselves to make a call, let alone a good one.

Now, I’m not saying you should throw your kid into the deep end of the pool and hope for the best (figuratively or literally!). But there’s middle ground—letting them make small decisions and, more importantly, letting them live with the outcomes.

Building Trust Starts Small

So, how do you get started? Simple: baby steps.

1. Let Them Make Low-Stakes Decisions

Start small. Let your toddler pick between wearing the blue shirt or the red shirt. Let your teen decide how they want to spend their Saturday afternoon. The key here is to offer choices that are “safe”—where the outcome isn’t catastrophic if they make a mistake.

For example, if they forget their jacket on a chilly day, they’ll be cold but they’ll survive. If they choose to spend their allowance on overpriced candy instead of saving for that video game they’ve been eyeing, they’ll learn the value of budgeting.

Resist the urge to step in with “I told you so.” Mistakes are the best teachers.

2. Ask Their Opinions

This one’s golden. Whether you’re deciding what movie to watch as a family or what to cook for dinner, ask for their input.

“How do you think we should handle this?”
“What would you do if you were in my shoes?”

When you show that you value their thoughts, you’re building their confidence and teaching them that their opinions matter.

3. Model Decision-Making

Kids observe everything. If they see you grappling with decisions, talking through pros and cons, and confidently owning your choices, they’ll start to mirror that behavior.

For instance, if you’re planning a vacation, talk out loud about the choices you’re weighing: “I’m torn between going to the beach or the mountains. The beach sounds relaxing, but the mountains sound adventurous. What do you think?”

You’re showing them that decision-making involves thought and consideration, not blind guessing.

Embracing Mistakes as Part of the Process

Let’s face it—no one (and I mean no one) nails every decision they make. Even as adults, we mess up. So why do we expect our kids to get it right 100% of the time?

Here’s the thing to remember: mistakes aren’t failures. They’re opportunities. If your child makes a bad decision—like choosing to procrastinate on a school project—it’s not the end of the world. It’s a chance for them to see the consequences of their actions and learn from them.

Instead of reprimanding them, try this:
- Acknowledge the mistake without shaming them.
- Sit down and talk about what they’ve learned.
- Ask what they’d do differently next time.

It’s like building muscle; every “wrong” choice strengthens their ability to make better ones in the future.

Nurturing Confidence Without Ego

There’s a fine line between confidence and cockiness. The goal is to raise a child who trusts their decisions but is also humble enough to admit when they’re wrong or seek advice when needed.

Here’s how:
- Teach them to seek out information before making choices (this builds critical thinking).
- Encourage them to ask for help when they’re genuinely stuck.
- Emphasize collaboration—decisions don’t always have to be solo endeavors.

Think of it like baking a cake. They’re the chef, but sometimes they might need a recipe, a sous-chef, or a taste-tester.

Help Them Tune Into Their Intuition

Intuition is like a mental muscle—it gets stronger the more you use it. Encourage your child to listen to that inner voice when making decisions.

Here’s a simple exercise:
Next time they’re facing a choice, have them close their eyes and imagine two scenarios—one where they say “yes” and one where they say “no.” Then ask, “How does each option make you feel? Excited? Nervous? Relieved?”

This helps them recognize and trust their emotions as part of the decision-making process.

The Role of Trust in a Parent-Child Relationship

Let’s not forget the elephant in the room: trust is a two-way street. If you want your child to trust their decisions, they need to feel that you trust them too.

When you’re constantly questioning their choices or stepping in to “fix” things, you’re inadvertently showing a lack of faith in their judgment. Instead, give them room to grow. Let them know you trust them, even when mistakes happen.

Knowing When to Step In

Of course, there are times when you will need to intervene. If your child’s safety is at risk (physical, emotional, or otherwise), stepping in is non-negotiable.

But for everyday decisions—what to wear, how to spend their allowance, which extracurriculars to join—give them the space to explore and learn.

Remember, they’re not just learning how to make good decisions; they’re learning how to recover from bad ones.

Final Thoughts

Encouraging your child to trust their own decisions is one of the greatest gifts you can give them. It’s not about relinquishing all control or letting them run wild. It’s about empowering them to think, weigh their options, and take ownership of their lives.

Will they stumble? Absolutely. But so did you, and look where you are now.

So, the next time your child is faced with a choice, resist the urge to jump in. Instead, stand back, let them take a deep breath, and watch as they grow into confident, capable individuals who trust themselves just as much as you trust them.